February 21, 2008
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Cold. It is normal. However, I have been spoiled by the unusually warm weather lately. This morning, the platform at my station is white, covered by salt. Perhaps a snow is coming.
Driving to the station, I glanced in the mirror and saw sunlight coloring the woods on the hills of Warren, behind me. Nice scenery. It is going to be a sunny day. Good. I am craving for sunlight more than pasta and soup. I am yearning to sit in sun light like an old cat, to let the warmth revive me, thaw my frozen livelihood. It is a good day to sit in the glass window room, like the one in Borders, to let the sun shine through and envelop my body, and feel bit by bit that I am alive, again.
However, I have to go to work. At the station, its waiting room was normally unlocked, somehow today, was locked (again). The train was late for 20 minutes (again). The cold air seeped through my coat and a few layers of clothes, made me shilvered. The train was packed (again). I stood near the end, far away from the door so I was lucky enough to have room to breath and did not have to smell anyone’s underarm. However, I stood all the way to my destination for about 45 minutes. There was no light. I could not read the Cat’s Cradle of Kurt Vonnegut, a remarkable and capturing book. All the way I had to listen to a very hight pitched voice of a young woman who chatted incessantly. That was a very young and very pretty girl. Blond, almost platinum, angelic face, even her brows and lashes are blond. She sat with two other girlfriends. They all talked but only her voice stood out, pierced my ears among other voices, very annoying. I was tense. A grumpy old woman. However, Patti Dukes, a fellow rider also gave an annoyed glance toward the girl. Perhaps because she was pretty and blond she gave herself the right to chat in a very hight pitch voice, non stop. She deserved the attention she often got from her admirers. She did not feel squirm because she never saw any hostile glances toward her.
The conductor wanted to cheer people up so he made up a joke about the doors were stuck and would not be opened. No one laughed.
I got out of the train walking toward my office building. I could not shake the gloomy feeling. I yearned to be in warm and sunny weather, to be able to walk along the street taking pictures, going from shop to shop, or doing something outside in the sun and warmth. I wanted to feel alert, alive and well. If it is going to snow tomorrow, I will take off.
Comments (8)
it’s ok to be grumpy about some things… and a morning commute like that maybe a great reason to be grouchy!!!!
I know it’s wrong to enjoy others displeasure, but I quite enjoy it when you write in this narrative style. I can easily see the car filled with people, and hear that annoying girl.
Check out “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater” (My Favorite KV novel.) Opening line:
“A sum of money is a leading character in this tale about people, just as a sum of honey might properly be a leading character in a tale about bees. . .”
lovely writing about not a great feeling moving through you……
“ gave herself the right… She deserved the attention …She did not feel squirm because she never saw any hostile glances toward her.” This was interesting to me and I don’t know why I’ve never noticed it before. It’s totally true. Good eye, as they say in baseball.
I want you to do something pleasureable for yourself tomorrow. Love yourself.
this is a great example of how the environment can impact one’s state of mind and be a mirror for our thoughts and feelings sometimes. i feel that way, too, when i go for a long period of time without seeing the sun or feeling its warm heat! it was especially miserable when i lived in utah — the sun would literally not be seen for months at a time. it is enough to drive one crazy!!
hang in there, though. what’s great about the changing of the seasons is that summer WILL be here soon!
Thank Ewithani, I will try to find that book.
I dislike the cold weather and yearn for the sunlight as much as you do. However, the place you live seem to be a lot colder than in California since it snows over there.